


looking for forgiveness (i ran into your madness) - Chapter 1 - lesbiansasuke - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]

by shxnie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), Canon-Typical Violence, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Bonding (Naruto), Dai-nana-han | Team 7 as Family (Naruto), Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, PTSD, Psychological Torture, Uchiha Itachi Has Issues, Uchiha Massacre, Uchiha Sasuke Has Issues, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, mentioned Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29986329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shxnie/pseuds/shxnie
Summary: Unhinged and far too observant for his own good, Sasuke felt like he was never truly in control of his life. And the more secrets he uncovers that are intertwined with Konohagakure’s machinations, the more he questions everything around him and in turn the endless conflict and shinobi system that enables it.It’s a gradual process filled with trial and error but Sasuke and the rest of Team 7 slowly learn to release the shackles Konohagakure tightened on them. Unhealthy codependency ensues. Suspicion arises. And nothing will ever be the same.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto





	looking for forgiveness (i ran into your madness) - Chapter 1 - lesbiansasuke - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]

looking for forgiveness (i ran into your madness) - Chapter 1 - lesbiansasuke - Naruto [Archive of Our Own]

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Language: 
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Published:
    2020-11-13
Updated:
    2021-01-31
Words:
    34103
Chapters:
    4/?
Comments:
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Kudos:
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##  looking for forgiveness (i ran into your madness) 

###  [lesbiansasuke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiansasuke/pseuds/lesbiansasuke)

### Summary:

> Unhinged and far too observant for his own good, Sasuke felt like he was never truly in control of his life. And the more secrets he uncovers that are intertwined with Konohagakure’s machinations, the more he questions everything around him and in turn the endless conflict and shinobi system that enables it.
> 
> It’s a gradual process filled with trial and error but Sasuke and the rest of Team 7 slowly learn to release the shackles Konohagakure tightened on them. Unhealthy codependency ensues. Suspicion arises. And nothing will ever be the same.

### Notes:

(See the end of the work for [notes](https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/71424240#work_endnotes).)

###  [Chapter 1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550450/chapters/67383670): languor 

### Chapter Text

Itachi Uchiha was a mass murderer, a wretched blight, a _clan killer._

Amaterasu’s flames would strike down upon him with a vengeance; at least that’s what his mother (who used to read him tales of the Uchiha lore when he couldn’t sleep and tuck him into bed) used to say about those that harm family, kin, _clan._

Disoriented, his hands that clasped tightly onto the sword that had just slashed his parents (“Itachi, you truly are a kind child”) shook as the weapon coated with the same blood that flowed through his veins clattered to the floor. He gripped Sasuke (younger brother, _my everything)_ and locked eyes with him, dragging his innocent soul into the depths of the rotten Tsukiyomi.

He knew the Sasuke that woke up from this would not be the same one that asked him for piggy back rides, to train together as soon as he returned from missions, who bragged to Shisui with a pout about how _big brother Itachi is the best-_

Something deep within Itachi _broke._

He too would never be the same. 

And as the pad of his fingers trailed the leaf insignia, now bearing a horizontal slash, that was once again wrapped around his forehead securely, he breathed. 

And ran.

* * *

_“Run and cling to your pitiful life!”_

Sasuke Uchiha clenched his eyes shut in a futile attempt to block out the taunting voice of That Man (“ _brother, why?”)._ As he stared at the academy walls in front of him vacantly, Sasuke wondered if it would have been better to have been slain with the rest of his family. Itachi was right—he _was_ pathetic, running away like a spineless coward rather than avenging his fallen clan.

He would prove him wrong. He would prove everyone wrong, those in the village who reluctantly stared at his revenge driven mindset in wariness, wondering when he too would ‘snap under the pressure’. They didn’t understand. Nobody did. Sasuke Uchiha was nothing without revenge, without a _goal_ in sight. He would crumble under the weight of expectations placed upon him as the last Uchiha, directing his hopelessness and rage at himself only until he ceased to exist, a soul unable to ever rest in peace.

So he worked on his taijutsu katas hours into the night until his muscles screamed at him to rest, until he collapsed from sheer exhaustion, barely capable of dragging himself into his bed. Burn scars littered his hands from countless Grand Fireball Jutsus, perfecting everything his family had taught him before he was left alone. Everything the academy covered in lessons, he mastered until he could complete in his sleep, including academics, anything he could get his hands on. Soon enough, the intense training showed results; he was dubbed ‘Rookie of The Year’ for his flawless grades. 

As faceless classmates congratulated him and a gaggle of girls fawned over him once he received a hitai-ate, all he could think was how _this wasn’t enough._

Itachi was deep in the shadows of ANBU at twelve and Sasuke only just graduated from the academy. He understood that they were in peacetime and early graduation was no longer acceptable due to the ‘ _mental strain’_ it left on children (What a load of bullshit. He noticed those non-clan children who outperformed in classes that disappeared as soon as a semblance of attention was placed on them) ever since the massacre took place. But couldn’t he have been an exception? He was so far behind Itachi there was no way he could even land a scratch on him.

So to be placed on a team with the deadlast and a kunoichi with no muscle mass visible on her bony arms was a slap to the face. Was the Third Hokage fucking with him? Sasuke scoffed—that old man was getting senile in his age.

“Iruka-sensei, why does an extraordinary ninja like me have to be on the same team as _him_?” Deadlast obnoxiously whined.

Closing his eyes in exasperation, Sasuke refrained from massaging his forehead from the absurd noise level that came from such a small menace. Zoning out Sakura berating Naruto and Iruka reprimanding him, all he could think was That Man calling him weak over and over again.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake was not taking his job seriously—this Sasuke noticed immediately. The lackadaisical way he carried himself was certainly a form of deception to be underestimated, even so, Sasuke could feel the thrum of power emanating from him (like Him) and while the half lidded eyes watching him unimpressively never sharpened throughout his introduction, he also never took his eyes off him. It was safe to say he was cataloging his body language, the fists scrunched up reliving the flash of his parent’s corpses under His feet.

Sasuke was aware he possibly wasn’t mentally sound—his mother used to jokingly say insanity ran in the family—but he wasn’t a _flight risk._ He was in control of his actions. Besides, if the higher ups were so concerned they should have at least tried to help him once he realised everyone he ever loved and cared for was buried six feet under instead of shoving him back in his empty compound that now resembled a ghost town and smelled of dried blood with red stains in the living room, still visible no matter how much he scrubbed the floorboards until he could no longer feel his nails chipped and his fingers raw. The Hokage didn’t even give him the decency of planning the funeral after he was released from the hospital, choosing to have it during his two week coma.

Of course Sasuke would never admit that out loud; the Uchiha pride certainly didn’t skip a generation. 

No closure, no form of ever moving on from the tragedy that now defined his existence. Sasuke’s mind was relentlessly torn apart with screams and visions of clansmen begging for mercy as a thirteen-year-old ended their existence without a blink of an eye, red decorating the walls, the same colour as the night sky. Every waking second, even during his sleep, was agony and although it became slightly more bearable throughout the years, the eye bags spoke for themselves. 

If Itachi’s goal was destroying his psyche irreparably he passed with flying colours, Sasuke thought morbidly to himself.

Once Kakashi finished reciting his instructions for the second test they would be taking to become ‘actual genins’, Naruto jumped up and pivoted his body towards their pink-haired teammate. “Hey, Sakura. Let’s eat ramen together!”

Absentmindedly, he watched her ruthlessly reject Naruto, noticing his smile slide off his face for a split second only to return at full force, blindingly albeit strained. Before he could also get asked the same question, Sasuke swivelled and sauntered away, ignoring the way his chest panged at the dejected expression that didn’t suit the blond at all.

None of his business. None of his damn business. 

Better to keep them within a safe distance instead of getting hurt again once they leave him too or betray him the same way He did. Call him paranoid—he wasn’t taking any chances, not when the man that haunted his dreams could easily return and sever any new relationships he forms with minimal effort. Sasuke was too weak to contemplate focusing on distracting pleasantries such as _friends_. As long as nothing hindered his goal, he would be fine.

He had years of experience being alone after all.

* * *

A test about teamwork was such a colossal joke to Sasuke he didn’t even know where to start. That Man killed everyone who resided in the largest clan in Konoha single handedly. He snuffed out the flames gifted to them by Amaterasu that fuelled their strong emotions. If this ridiculous village wanted him to cooperate they should have given him teammates worth working together with.

The way Hatake stared down at him disinterestedly was _aggravating—_ he wasn’t being taken seriously! The slip of control on his composure as a spark of rage caused him to leap forward and attack only to be disengaged immediately was _humiliating._ How could he ever face Itachi if a jounin could take him down with minimal effort? Was his endless hours of training worthless, amounting to nothing? The humiliation however was a reminder that he was nowhere near reaching his goal. If this weird, mask-wearing jounin could help him grow stronger he would take the opportunity. 

Sasuke truly didn’t know what compelled him to feed his teammate. Perhaps because he knew Naruto wouldn’t be capable of fighting to steal the bells with him on an empty stomach, maybe because the sight of the idiot looking so glum stirred a strange feeling inside of him. He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that the cheeky grin aimed at him as he cocked his head to the side in embarrassment, flushing slightly eased the rigid tension in his shoulders and left him feeling lightheaded.

His thoughts unintentionally travelled to their unexpected clash of lips on the day of the team assignment and _woah, okay erase that from your mind, Sasuke, what the fu-_

He indignantly ignored the pink dusting the Uzumaki’s cheeks as he took a bite and Haruno’s instant imitation, cooing about how her ‘Sasuke was so generous, shannaro!’

And thus possibly the most dysfunctional, eccentric team 7 to exist since the sannin was created. 

* * *

“Hey bastard!” Naruto yelled, jogging to catch up with Sasuke, both on their way to the training ground Hatake told them to wait at.

“What?”

“You know, I don’t know why Sakura likes you so much. You’re so boring, you barely talk and you’re constantly brooding.”

_Wow, talk about rude._

“I’m not trying to be rude!” he exclaimed, flailing his hands panickedly as Sasuke’s expression darkened. “I just don’t get why everyone likes you so much. You’re nothing special. It’s kinda annoying.”

Even though this was clearly Naruto’s stupid attempt at small talk, Sasuke seriously gave the idiot’s words some thought. A heavy silence hung over them ominously as Sasuke contemplated how to respond. A few seconds—or possibly a minute as Sasuke tended to stew over his thoughts for a long time—passed and he softly replied without any of his usual scorn, “I don’t know why either.”

Sometimes he wished people would just leave him alone to the overbearing thoughts swirling in his mind. Most times he wished he had someone who _understood_ him. Did anyone truly know what it felt like to be betrayed and tortured by the person you loved the most, by the person you thought loved you, only to find out it was all a lie? Loss was common in the life of shinobi but dammit Sasuke was _angry!_ There was always a sense of pity in the villagers’ stares as they whispered about the massacre of his clan like it was the latest gossip—and the worst part was that it _was._ It hurt how the intense trauma he underwent was regarded as simply a tragedy that has befallen their village, only to ever be mentioned again in fervent whispers filled to the brim with fraudulent sympathy.

What happened to the glorious, ancestral lineage thought to have dated back to the Sage himself they shared with the Senju? What happened to being one of the founding clans of Konoha? The history books only skimmed through the Uchiha history yet gave particular attention to Madara Uchiha, the traitor who abandoned his Hokage as if that was all that mattered when he clearly abandoned the clan too. Where was the history of Kagami Uchiha, the true pride of the Uchiha?

Yet the devotion to the Senju was bordering fanatical. There was clear favouritism in the placement of Hokage, where when Uchiha produced exceptional shinobi they were ignored in favour of a Senju-taught student, an example being Hiruzen Sarutobi. Uchiha were not even seen as an option. Sasuke wondered if they thought an Uchiha Hokage would be as insane as Madara. Ha! As long as the person they loved the most was alive they would be fine… probably.

The truth was that nobody truly cared about his clan except for a few shinobi after all. All that mattered was the loss of manpower. The Sharingan was capable of destruction so vast, for it to be wiped out of existence except for a young child was inconceivable to many. The disappearance of the Konoha Police Force as well led to a surge in criminality, not that anyone in this accursed village would admit it. The Uchiha tended to stay within their fairly small circle of friends, their stoic demeanour making them seem unapproachable and snobbish.

Naruto blinked, owlishly.

Cursing silently once he realised he had become lost in his musings, Sasuke sped up his strides to get away from the idiot that brought up insecurities he would rather keep in the box of ‘shit I ignore until I forget.’ Yes, that included his burgeoning inferiority complex.

Luckily, Uzumaki had some tact and wisely chose to not bring the topic up again, lest he’s reminded of what Sasuke’s fist against his cheek feels like, courtesy of the numerous times academy instructors pitted them against each other during taijutsu spars. He cracked his knuckles and cackled manically. That sounded _perfect._

Beside him, Naruto shuddered and edged away.

Sakura’s entire face lightened up at the sight of him, gasping with child-like glee in her eyes. It made him want to look away. That innocence on her face was a reminder of everything he once was like before That Day.

He remembered her callous words about Naruto’s orphan status and inwardly grimaced

“Sasuke! Good morning,” she chirped, sliding up against his right side with controlled finesse, not too close to touch but not too far away to maintain decent distance.

He grunted in reply—giving her a verbal response would make her act out more and he was good at learning from past experiences.

Minutes turned into hours as a comfortable yet somewhat stifling silence descended upon the trio in favour of waiting for their sensei to arrive. None of them were particularly close. Sasuke was purposefully keeping a distance, Naruto only had a puppy crush on Sakura and despised Sasuke for garnering the most attention that he felt was rightfully his. He probably didn’t know anything about Sakura beyond how pretty she was.

“Hello, my new cute little genin,” a deep familiar voice greeted them, appearing suddenly with a shunshin.

“You’re late!” Naruto and Sakura chorused with faux rage, mostly annoyance.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry about that. You see, an old lady asked me to help her with her groceries and you know how much of an upstanding citizen I am as a respectable jounin of Konoha–”

“Liar!” 

Sasuke’s eye twitched. 

“Anyways, let’s start our first D-rank.”

Slumping forward uncharacteristically as their blond teammate raved on about the potential specifics of their tasks, Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew exactly what D-ranks entailed thanks to his mother’s stories of her own genin team. Hatake eye smiled at him sadistically, somehow guessing his current thought process.

How exciting.

* * *

Something about Sasuke not many people knew was that he _noticed._

Sasuke noticed the glares and sneers that followed Uzumaki.

Sasuke noticed Haruno’s stomach rumbling at odd times and the small portions she would subject herself to eating.

Sasuke noticed the way Hatake’s eyes would glaze over at the deadlast, looking through him as if he was watching someone else.

He also noticed the uncanny similarities his teammate bore with a certain Minato Namikaze, photos withering in his mother’s scrapbook of her career as a kunoichi. 

It was a coping mechanism he built to remind himself that he was safe and not back at the compound at seven-years-old with tears streaming down his face and eyes widened in horror at the brutality no child should witness. He would remember the seemingly forgettable faces of children that suspiciously disappeared, he would remember that he never got to burn the bodies of his family and he knew every face and name of the girls that harassed him day in and out, no matter how irrelevant and faceless they were.

Sasuke unknowingly followed the words of his elder brother who ran his hand through his silky hair and told him to, _“always pay attention, Sasuke.There is always more going on than you realise. This is also how I mastered genjutsu to a scale only Shisui can match. Details, seemingly useless minuscule switches in expressions, be it the twitch of an arm, the crease of an eyebrow and the feeling, the atmosphere it evokes will make your opponents question their reality The Sharingan will pick up on it all._ _Nobody but you will look twice at the plain looking girl who sits at the back of your class. Any discrepancies noticed will aid you in creating an illusion so flawless the user will not notice they have already lost. That is the pinnacle of a shinobi’s strength: deception, not the strongest ninjutsu you can create.”_

Despite following a teaching his kin slayer ( _ ~~big brother~~ _) imparted on him, the results of Itachi’s prowess displayed everything there is to see. Sasuke vividly remembered looking up in awe at his lithe body hidden under hard, grey armour, the graceful, almost languid steps he would take, resembling a panther, so sure of the strength he possessed there was no doubt of it at all. And perhaps he overlooked the tremors that would shake through Itachi’s body during dinner in front of Father who would congratulate him on another ANBU mission completed with a prideful “that’s my son,” due to the envious sensation he felt. Perhaps he intentionally ignored the prominent tear-troughs that became more visible the more entrenched in his shinobi career Itachi became, a sign of the unbearable pressure of being heir to a prideful clan with centuries of history and glory attached to their name.

No wonder everyone thought he snapped. 

_Perhaps he did._

But a tiny part of Sasuke’s mind that decreased in volume the longer vengeance clouded his intricate thought process questioned if Itachi’s deception was so interwoven in his life that the deep affection in the softening of his features whenever Sasuke waited for him after a long mission was as carefully crafted as he wanted him to believe. Regardless, whenever that train of thought appeared, Sasuke would shove it into a large box at the back of his mind titled ‘shit about the massacre that doesn’t make sense’ and never open it again—because it was easier to train and grow in strength to avenge the Uchiha’s demise than consider a conspiracy and find out exactly how an entire clan was wiped out in a single night without anybody being notified. ~~Wasn’t it interesting how the Uchiha district was located at the very edge of the village, making Itachi’s plans so much more achievable?~~

The clan looked to Itachi as their shining beacon of hope (and why they obsessed over the strength of a thirteen-year-old so intensely he may never know) and Itachi embodied every expectation flawlessly. That may have been the start of his descent into supposed madness. Sometimes Sasuke thought it was all cleverly crafted bravado. 

Day by day, the cracks of his facade slowly eroded until that fateful moment where he rammed the kunai into the clan emblem displayed proudly on their house out of fury so tightly coiled around him he began releasing spikes of killing intent. Shisui’s death revealed the side of Itachi that must have been reserved only for missions ( ~~the line between mission and clan blurring beyond recognition~~ ).

Sasuke still remembered the words said that day, that rattled something within him at the utter despondency in his tone.

_"My capacity… I've lost all hope for this pathetic clan...The clan....The clan... All of you without measuring your own capacities had no idea of mine. And now, you lie here, defeated.” His eyes had hardened, covering up any trace of emotion, only stony judgment_.

Itachi was like a grim reaper or a God sealing their fates with a single look. To turn his blessed eyes against his clan hadn’t been heard of since Madara Uchiha, yet there they were spinning hypnotizingly as he took down older clan members with ease.

Father had never looked so disappointed in his elder son before. After all, those expressions were only reserved for the spare, for him.

Sasuke was always under the impression that Itachi was a pacifist with the twinkle in his eyes as he longingly looked at the serene view of the village during peacetime. It felt like he would do anything to protect it. Sasuke snorted bitterly, _clearly not._

Why was he even thinking about this? It wasn’t like it even mattered anymore. Everyone but him was _dead,_ and Itachi was an Uchiha in blood only. He hoped the gods he stopped praying to would curse his brother with the blindness he deserved. Sasuke hadn’t even stepped inside the Naka Shrine since he was seven. Were the gods angry? Technically he was also going to commit a terrible sin—fratricide even if it was in an act of vengeance. He took a moment to mule over his decided course of action before mentally shrugging.

It didn’t matter what happened later. He would join the rest of his clan right after in the end. 

* * *

Most days it almost felt like he was still in the academy as Team Seven fell into a rhythmic schedule of numerous D-ranks only to end with their sensei mysteriously disappearing for the first four weeks. The slow-paced, negligent style of Hatake was getting on his nerves. He needed to train, not walk dogs. Why couldn’t anyone understand this? If That Man got sick of waiting and decided to seek him out he would finish the job and the last remaining founding clan of Konoha would perish along with the Senju they worshiped so much. Couldn’t this stupid village at least think of the benefits of keeping him alive? Another strong, loyal Uchiha ready to bare his neck for a military dictatorship. 

Fighting with Naruto was just about the only thing that stopped him from committing homicide. It was oddly therapeutic to tease the blond and watch him turn interesting shades of red as he squawked and sputtered at every insult. He didn’t bother trying to look into why he found it so endearing unless he wanted to start another identity crisis he was _not_ prepared for.

“Sasuke,” Sakura’s cheerful voice called out. It had been three hours and still no sign of their sensei. And why did he even bother getting out of bed so early? Hatake never even bothered giving a lacklustre excuse about how it was a test of patience or some shit. Instead he would drone on about something to do with old ladies and cats stuck in trees. 

“What?” he hissed, unfairly taking his anger out on the kunoichi. Naruto angled his head up from lounging on the training ground, eyes narrowing at him threateningly.

“W-Why do you look so angry right now?” she stammered, smiling wobbly. “I just wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out–”

“I’m angry because this shitty excuse of a sensei has been wasting our time as genin away doing chores that civilians are capable of when I should be training harder so I can fight That Man. I’m angry because nobody is taking me seriously. I’m angry because I got stuck on a team with a deadlast with questionable heritage and a kunoichi whose only usefulness is theoretical knowledge which, in case you didn’t know, would be completely useless in a fight! This pathetic excuse of a team is driving me crazy. I’ve accomplished nothing!”

Sakura’s eyes shuttered as she processed the slew of insults directed at her and Naruto. “S-Sasuke, I’m sorry…” 

“Sasuke–” Naruto growled menacingly as a dark aura enclosed around the boy

He swallowed, seeing that his outburst was unwarranted. _Sakura didn’t deserve that,_ a small part of his mind whispered but damn did it feel good to let it out.

“Look, I’m s-sorry,” he said. His throat was dry and he licked his lips anxiously, watching Sakura’s eyes well up with unshed tears. “That was harsh of me, but I meant what I said. They don’t tell you in detail how hard it is being a shinobi. Of course they warn you it’s not for the faint hearted but they mostly focus on the benefits and how duty to your village outweighs it all in the end.” If his voice took a caustic edge near the end, nobody mentioned it. 

“But the truth is you don’t take this seriously, Sakura! Shinobi die everyday. You could easily be living a peaceful life as a civilian but you chose to become a shinobi whereas people like Naruto and I became shinobi because it’s the only option available for us. Sure, it might seem cool as you’re defending the village you love but there’s more to it than that. The mental fortitude needed to withstand the violence of this profession is something I don’t think you realise yet. If you’re seriously here just because you like me then you should rethink your career choice.”

“I know that!” she screamed in distress, clutching her head like her mind was splitting apart. “Do you think I’m stupid? I fucking know that! This is what I hate about you clan-born shinobi. So stuck up and snobbish.” 

His eyes automatically swirled in fury at the blatant disrespect and he took a step closer. “Then fucking take this seriously, you’re deader weight than Naruto and he’s the deadlast!”

“Have you ever stopped to consider that I don’t have the same resources as you? As you so succinctly pointed out, I’m not clan born so I didn't start training at four-years-old and my body isn’t naturally fit to sustain the strain of becoming a shinobi. I had to work hard for this and you’re not taking that away from me, shannaro!”

He refocused and looked at her with those bottomless black eyes of his that once made her swoon, only now leaving her with bitterness and the realisation that he was just like the rest of them. 

“You’re weak,” he murmured, hearing That Man’s voice instead of his own, disjointedly. Was he telling himself that or Sakura? He didn’t know anymore.

“I’m not,” she cried. Her knees gave out and she dropped to the floor. “I won’t… I won’t be a failure, never again…”

He felt the punch before he saw it. Pain bloomed across his cheek but Sasuke knew he deserved it enough to not dodge. Naruto looked feral, staring down at him with such disappointment and contempt he could practically taste it. “How could you say that to her, Sasuke? You only ever think about yourself. You’re so selfish!”

He ignored him and focused back on Sakura.

“If you’re not weak then prove to me, prove to everyone you’re strong,” he whispered dazedly, rubbing the right side of his bruised face. “Don’t think about the limits you have, go beyond them. Ignore them. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Play to your strengths so well that nobody will ever question your worth based on your lack of clan.”

Her eyes widened in recognition. “You…”

“And stop… stop looking at me like I’m perfect,” he reluctantly added, pointedly not looking up. “I’m not. My brother was though.”

_Before he killed everyone_ , was left unsaid.

And that was what hurt the most. Sasuke was chasing a standard so high it was nigh impossible until his miracle of a brother broke every boundary placed for someone his age.

His body trembled in exhaustion from the mentally taxing heart-to-heart. Naruto was watching him warily as he tried to leave the training ground like he was an enemy, and Sasuke desperately wanted to convince himself the churning in his stomach was from hunger only.

“Well,” Hatake drawled as he jumped out from the tree he was perched on with his Icha Icha in hand. “That was interesting. I was going to interfere but it seems like I didn’t need to in the end.”

“Sensei,” Sakura said, nervously, rubbing her arms self-consciously.

“Save it,” he snapped, before softening considerably, “I’ve heard everything.”

Sasuke gritted his teeth.

“The reason I assigned you so many D-ranks was because of what our cute Sasuke so politely pointed out: your teamwork dynamic is horrendous, frankly and what was I thinking when I passed you? Oh wait, I didn’t have a choice!” The trio blanched at the jounin’s blunt, uncouth statement. “I don’t think I’m allowed to say that. Oh well, I’m sure you guys guessed that anyways. There’s lots of eyes on this team and if you’re constantly bickering like children that wouldn’t look good for me, now would it?”

“No worries, I was simply trying to get a feel for this team and how to approach your training when the time comes… I think, anyway. You should enjoy being a genin while you can. It only gets worse from here,” he said, with a hint of regret in his voice. “To be able to rely on your teammates on the battlefield is a matter of life and death. It feels like you haven’t taken into heart the message I imparted on you on the day of the bell test, so I simply waited until you did something about it.” 

“What?” Naruto shouted.

He nodded his head innocently. “I can’t hold your hand through everything, now can I? Take action, mend the issues within this team, have a little independence instead of waiting for everything to be handed to you.”

“But that’s literally your fucking job!” Sakura shrieked, stomping her foot angrily. 

His entire demeanour changed as he straightened up from his perpetual slouch and tucked his book away, looking down at his students seriously. “Perhaps, but if you can’t take the incentive to have a professional working environment, you will not survive in this line of work. As shinobi the time may come where you will have to work with somebody you disapprove of or even hate who has personally wronged you. Can you put your differences aside and focus on the mission, or will you jeopardise everyone’s safety?”

“Genin teams in particular are special for most shinobi. They’re your first squad, all rookies unsure of what life beyond Konoha is like. I told myself I hated my genin team until they all died and left me alone,” he sighed with a bone-deep weariness that made Sasuke’s skin prickle.

“Naruto, you shouldn’t have punched your teammate but Sasuke you shouldn’t have provoked the two of them in such a way. I understand you realised that later but my point still stands. Once you two work through all your issues, I will begin training you as I see fit.”

The three shuddered at the dangerous tone only to stare dumbfounded as he shifted back to his usual state of boredom. “That’s enough for today. You can all go home now and tomorrow… D-ranks!” He clapped his hands. “Except you, Sasuke. Stay behind for a moment.”

Sasuke groaned. At least they got somewhere today.

Hatake’s lone eye watched him with an intensity that was unsettling. “Now little Uchiha, why didn’t you tell me you awakened the Sharingan, huh? Does your poor old sensei not deserve to know?”

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